I feel it in every cell of my body...
This I felt in every cell of my body: comes from a movie and at the beginning of Master theses of my BDSM mother:
ENJOY: and tell me if it resonates....
Take me somewhere beautiful. Take me to where the eucalypt-scent softly anaesthetises me, where the ground is so steep that I start to lift out of myself, where the sea sings below us, soft and dangerous. […] A lover not a slave, I am ready to receive your marks. I give you my body with full consent. I am vulnerable and it is only you, my other, that gives me strength. I hang before you, a piece to play with, to make writhe and bleed and hurt. I'm giving this to you, letting you see the spaces I go to. What do you see? Do you like what you see?
You beat me like some pre-human criminal, dragging me back through my past, through our past, to a time and place where I had not yet been invented […] and when the blows rain on me too hard to hold, I swell and draw in and explode in cries of pain for your pleasure. […] There is a point where I start to lose sense of it all, a point where it starts to make sense. This is the point you are searching for, watching me patiently as I unravel […] The world around us has disappeared and we huddle together, breathing in each other's warmth, waiting for reality to fill these spaces you have made. Here, in this tiny space, we make the world infinite again.
The rivers of blood you have opened wash me clean. You have broken me, you will heal me. Holding me, your warmth, your strength, seeping into the cuts in my flesh: the point from which I start to rebuild. […] My life is punctuated by the marks you cut into me - as they will heal, I will grow. […] By destroying me, you bind me to this earth, to yourself. The more you destroy me the more I exist. Every limit shattered, every horizon expanded, every way you have shown me what I can endure. What we do changes me. It discards my past and lets me live again.
By Ivan, for Love Hard (Vanting & Harrington, 2014)