Yeah... It is a a dilemma. Eternal and internal conflict.
You are an autonomous, suverain being. You have a penis or the vagina. You fall in love and then you hand over your penis or vagina to your partner. Invisible chastity belt. You have bypassed your parents, the church and society and have happily touched yourself since the discovery of heaven (masturbation aka self love). And you liked it. Your own, secret, guilty pleasure. Watched a lot of porn, Playboy and other magazines, fantasized.
And now? And now you are trapped in an invisible chasity belt. Why? Apparently love comes hand in hand with the expectation of sharing your sexuality with only one partner. Goodbye fantasy, hello guilt and shame.
Your sexuality is your greatest strength and you give it away? WTF? Since when may someone else decide about the contents of your underpants? And where do you put your dick in? Oh... it is your own romantic decision, out of love, no fucking around, setteling down, time to beheave, she/he is that "the one" special one? Choose one...
You and I both know. and the question is pending: how long will it take you to realise you're trapt?
"God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it.
He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift and then what does He do?
I swear, for his own amusement, his own private cosmic gag reel, he sets the rules in opposition.
It's the goof of all time.
Look, but don't touch.
Touch, but don't taste.
Taste, don't swallow. "*
Is this it? No! Sex is your biggest power! Take your power back! Be honest about it.
How many man come to me and feel guilty about it? About their desires and feelings? Some of them are not even sexual (BDSM). My church offers the absolution: you are a normal human being. You need to spread your genetic material in order to survive. You need inspiration. Your partner cannot provide you will every aspect of the sexuality (and she better not), we need more. Is it cheating? If you cheat on your partner you stay true to yourself, if you not, you are fraud to yourself.
Why not be honest about is? Why not talk about it?
Most of us need sex and lots of it. There are physical reasons such as pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a certain human being, need of intimacy.. There are goal-based reasons: to make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge. There are emotional reasons: love, commitment, or gratitude. And there are also insecurity reasons: to boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having sex). *
Yes, many reasons. We have sex for reasons other than procreation, and the human desire to experiment is far too great to limit ourselves to one sexual partner in our lives. Ins't that right?
I am not saying we shaoud all start jumping left and right. But at least start with shedding the shame and guilt. Starting with acknowledging we are a healthy human being with desires and fantasies. Sometimes it happens to be so, that your partner does not share your desires. And that is ok too. A healthy converastion about it can open minds, eyes and doors to many intresting expreriments. And bring your power back.
As your derires might fluctuate ftrom partner to partner, relationship to relationship, your sexualpower should be your own. As the key to your happiness. That one should also be kept in your won pocket. If you depend on your sex or happiness on other people, you are doomed to fail. So no, you are not a sinner, not a cheater. you are a normal, healthy (somewhat lost and confused) human being. Full of guilt, shame, doubts, mind fucks, conditioning. Time to do something about it.
*" Devils Advocat"