Some people think I hate man, and that's why I do what I do. They think they know. Oh, you poor souls. Here is un- lubed truth straight away: What a tragic projection... how damaged you must be. I am sorry things happened to you in which you felt powerless and did not give consent for. But please... try to see it from the perspective and let me shed some light on how I see it.
Do I hate man?
Would I take it out on man in the session or outside of it? Be vilent towards someone? My personal issues?
Hate is a very strong word. What does it mean? If you look it up, the definition is: intense hostility and aversion, usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.
I am sorry.
Your perception of me is not my responsibility. My intent is what is important, and if you can't perceive my good intentions then it is not my responsibility to open your eyes to it. You could stop reading here. But I hope you won't.
I do what I do because I love man (and woman too). I hold them dear. The place I aim to create is a safe domain in which we explore ones deepest longings, worse fears, nightmares and fantasies. We ultimately experience oneself through physical body. If someone couldn't feel safe in, they wouldn't open and dare to be vulnerable (or they'd flow on the surface of things, which is ok too). Because that's what they do. Open up, surrounder and go through shit. And I am there for them. As a woman, a mistress, a mother, a sister, teacher, a dakini (there are many faces and flavours of feminine embodiment). They open because they feel seen, they feel I feel them. With a whip if necessary and embrace when needed. Unlike you my dear with beautiful projections. So while I am lovingly spanking asses of the brave ones, you torment yourself internally and occasionally erupt the lava of judgment towards someone like me. They feel pain. You suffer.
I might slightly go into the place of an ego here, but I know my self worth and I know, that what I do gives people the ability to break down walls, to build bridges between people, to concentrate on what is common and not on what separates. I am actively creating synthesis, sense of beauty and harmony. The ability to let go and enjoy. Getting rid of unnecessary burdens. And I am a cathalist. Heavy job. I aid to ones matters. I wouldn't be able to do so if I lacked that awareness. And that's the bullseye. Awareness. Also that we all are only humans. The emotional sacks of meat. Some of us try to make best put of it. Understand, heal, elevate and transcendent. And the greatest secrets and keys of the Universe are hidden in most unlikely places.
As for my own dark side? I found it, I bring it out, look, own and embrace. Love even however difficult. From there I am able to tap into unconditional love, empathy and compassion, because I have been there where it hurts and found gold there. Am I perfect? Heel yes. I am perfect in my imperfections. I am fierce and intense or playful and nurturing. Im outrageous, repulsive in order to cut through conceptual thinking and mistaken perception. Im peaceful or wrathful, or perceived as the general play of energy in phenomenal world.
I hope you will find a healthy and therapeutic outlet to your suffering. It might not be in the the presence of the mistress, but I wish and hope that you will.